


This Place is a Pigsty

by tprillahfiction



Series: Merry Month of Masturbation Challenge 2015 [5]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Academy Era, Chores, Comedy, Domestic, Domestic Bliss, Established Relationship, Farce, Housework, Long-Term Relationship(s), M/M, Masturbation, Merry Month of Masturbation Challenge 2015, ST Reboot, STXI, Star Trek Reboot - Freeform, domestic Kirk/McCoy, homelife
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-15
Updated: 2015-05-15
Packaged: 2018-03-30 15:19:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3941662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tprillahfiction/pseuds/tprillahfiction
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim doesn't want to help Bones with the housework. (It's more fun to masturbate instead.)  Domestic!fic.</p><p>Written for mmom day 14</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Place is a Pigsty

Jim Kirk leaned back on the couch, dozing off, his PADD on his lap, the TV blaring. 

_Bang_! 

Jim opened his eyes and looked around. 

Bones suddenly stood inside the apartment, in front of the front door, clad in wrinkled blue scrubs, wearing that typical Bones scowl, dark bangs falling into those green eyes, two days scruff peppering the man's face, arms folded.

"For the love of fuck, Man!" Bones seethed. "I've been gone for two....no three fucking days. When I left here, this place was as neat as a pin. Now, look at this fucking place. It's a pigsty. A pigsty, Jim!"

"Huh?" Jim said. He craned his head around Bones. "What are you talkin' about?"

"Our apartment, you fucking asshole! You couldn't have...I dunno...cleaned up around here?" Bones kicked at an empty beer can on the floor. The can splattered a tiny bit of leftover beer, hit an empty potato chip bag, dumping a couple crumbs out then rolled under the sofa with the force of Bones' wrath. "Look at this fucking place. Clothes all over the bed, all over the fucking floor, what's the matter with you? Food wrappers!" The physician stormed off (didn't have far to go in their 250 square foot studio apartment in the heart of San Francisco) into the bathroom. "Oh my God!" Bones screeched out. "You gotta be fucking kidding me." He slammed the toilet lid, exited the bathroom, came back into the living area. "Jim. Who doesn't flush the toilet after they take a dump? Jim, flush that! Now!"

Jim waved him off. "Okay. Okay, I will." He looked down at his PADD.

"Now, Jim!" Bones came over, snatched the PADD out of his hand and slammed it on the coffee table, knocking several fast food containers onto the floor. "TV off!" The noise stopped. "Listen Jim, I'm a physician, I should be able to come home to a decent living area, supper waiting for me, the apartment picked up, instead of filth. Filth, Jim! We can't live like this. Think of the bacteria and viruses and mold and amoebas--"

"Trust me, Bones. There's no amoebas in here."

"In that bathroom?! I bet if I took a sample, I'd find several. Go flush the fucking toilet!" 

"Alright, Bones! I heard you the first time." Jim got up, dragged himself over to the bathroom. He flushed the toilet as the nagging jerk had instructed. 

"That's disgusting, Jim," Bones said, following him, standing behind and continuing to bitch. "What if our landlord had seen that?" 

"Well, she didn't, did she." Jim turned around. "How was work, Honey?"

"Don't you Honey me, Jim, and for God's sake, wash your hands!" Jim didn't and instead moved to give Bones a kiss. The doctor drew back. "Have you even brushed your teeth in three days?"

"Course I have." 

"Somehow, I don't believe you." Bones stomped off out of the bathroom. Jim followed after a moment and discovered the man standing next to the couch, pulling off his scrubs, pitching them into the laundry hamper, then diving into a pair of probably clean but probably not boxer shorts, jeans and a tee-shirt. "Jim," Bones said in a quiet voice that meant business. 

Jim leaned down and started picking up some of his dirty clothes and his shoes that were scattered around the floor. "Yeah?" 

"You and I are gonna have a little talk later. But first, we are gonna clean this place up. Then, you're ordering pizza and some more beer. Got it?"

"Yes, Bones," Jim said, then glanced around. "Who's cleaning what?" 

Bones looked at Jim open mouthed. He started to giggle, first it was small, then it became hysterical laughter.

"What, Bones?"

"I should be the one on the sofa, drinking a beer, jacking off, and you should be wearing nothing but an apron, bare ass hanging out for me to ogle as you pick up all your crap." Bones clapped his hands together. "Perfect."

"Only you would multi-task jacking off, Bones."

"Hey, I'm a doctor."

"Don't remind me." Jim shrugged. "Seriously, what should I clean?"

"You don't see the dirt?" Bones asked.

"Nope. Looks fine to me."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Seriously?" Bones scowled again then went into their tiny as fuck kitchen with the black and white floor, then emerged with a mop, some type of cleaner, a bucket containing some sponges and a pair of gloves. He threw it all at Jim. "Here. Jim you're gonna scour that bathroom for starters." Bones got behind Jim and began to push like he was some goddamned train locomotive or something. "You ain't coming outta there until it's shining. You got that?" 

"Or else what?"

"No sex!" Bones threatened. "For a week."

"Fuck you," Jim huffed, but he furrowed his brow. Wait a minute, Bones was stubborn enough to-- "Really?"

"Try me, Jim."

"No," Jim whined. "You can't do that to me! You'll kill me!"

"Get that bathroom in order. The ring around the tub--"

"Oh, come on!"

"The grimy sink. And that includes the globs of toothpaste you left from three days ago."

"That too?"

"The filthy floor--"

"You don't ask much, do you, Bones."

"And that nasty toilet, 'specially," Bones told him, arching that eyebrow of his.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll get to it."

"Jim, I mean it."

"What are you gonna clean?" 

Bones finally managed to shove him into the bathroom. "I'm gonna tackle the three days worth of dishes you left." Bones turned and went out of the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. 

"Bones!" 

" _Don't come out, till it's sparklin', Jim! Or don't come out at all_!"

Jim flipped him off through the door. "Fine, Bones. Coming right up."

Jim dropped the pail with the cleaning supplies in it and set the mop against the wall. He sighed. He donned the gloves. What to get to work on first? Alright. The toilet. He lifted the lid, poured the cleanser in the water, then set the toilet lid back down. That should do the trick. Now what else? Oh. The tub. He looked inside the ancient claw foot. Ugh. It did look pretty gross in there. Bones was right about that. But was all that hair in the drain from him? It couldn't be. He knelt down. Got the sponge out, put some cleanser on the sponge and began to scrub. Finally after several back breaking minutes, he stood up. Not bad. Then he moved to the sink. Sink looked fine, clean enough, he didn't know what Bones' problem was.

After he mopped the floor, he set the mop down. He flushed the cleaner that was in the toilet bowl.

After that was completed, Jim surveyed his work. Lookin' good. And fast. Finished already. Bones'll be happy--although that guy always found something to complain about, so maybe not.

Jim thought a moment. If he left the bathroom now, Bones would just make him clean something else. He snickered. Yeah right, wearing nothing but an apron, picking up his crap, ass hanging out while Bones jacked off on the sofa--

Hey.

What a great idea. Jacking off.

Suddenly his dick hardened in his pants. Masturbating was a wonderful idea. Bones wanted to deny him sex for a week? Hell, HE'D deny Bones, instead. Masturbation would take the pressure off.

Except he couldn't go jack off on the couch. Bones would see him there and again... make him help with those dishes. Fuck that.

The bathroom. He could jack off...in the shower. That was clean now, wasn't it. But no...if Bones heard the shower going. He might suspect something.

Maybe he could stand right here and jerk himself over the toilet, cum right into the water. Quiet and perfect. Bones wouldn't know a thing.

Jim moved over to the toilet, opened up the lid and the seat. He pulled down his pants and underwear. His cock flopped out, stood at attention. He circled his hand around his shaft and began to stroke.

He should make Bones wear nothing but an apron, those goddamned perky cheeks of his, bending over, showing those sexy balls. Bones needed a spanking, needed Jim to suck his dick first, that monstrosity Bones packed. He'd like that in his mouth, then he'd stroke his cock over Bones, cum all over Bones' face, or shove it inside Bones' ass, yeah. Bones needed a good hard fucking, anyway. Shut him up for a while. He'd missed that guy so damned much anyway, but he wasn't gonna tell Bones that. No sex? Was Bones serious? What the fuck, man?

Jim jacked himself harder, faster. Bones wouldn't be able to go all week with no action. Bet Bones was just as horny as he was. No sex for a week. Hmph. Man's crazy.

Ummm, fuck yeah, about Bones wearing nothing but an apron, fuck it might be slightly see through, have little frills on it, like a french maid's apron or it might say 'kiss the cook' or something smart ass as Bones was wont to wear. Bones should bend over, dusting with a feather duster, showing that tight little doctor ass, nice and firm. Mmmmm.

Almost there. So damned close. Jim licked his lips as he fucked into his hand. God he'd like some of Bones right about now, or maybe shove his cock into that mouth and--

There was a squeak behind him. _Oh oh._ Jim let go of his cock, felt cold air hit his rear end. 

"Jim. What the fuck are you doing?"

Jim spun around, hard cock pointing at Bones. "Just what it looks like. Cleaning the bathroom."

"You clean the bathroom with your dick?" Bones stared, smirked.

Jim smirked back. "Makes the chores more fun that way. You know...you should try it...sometime."

"Play with myself as I'm washing the mountain of dishes?"

"Well, yeah!" Jim said.

Bones shook his head and rolled his eyes. The doctor pulled off his tee-shirt, his jeans and his boxers, letting lose his own erect cock. "Maybe I should just fuck you till ya can't walk, instead." He got into the shower, turned on the water. Jim stood there a moment, looking down at the toilet bowl.

Bones stuck his head through the shower curtain. "Hey, my dick ain't gonna fuck itself. Get in here."

Jim jumped out of his clothing and joined Bones, as ordered, in the shower. 

Yeah, the rest of the apartment was a pigsty, Bones was right about that, but housework could wait till after dinner, or maybe even tomorrow or the next.

______________  
end.


End file.
